OFILI SPEAKS: Obama Says Africa Not Ready For #Ebola Drug After Watching I Am Legend

Breaking Satirical News

Washington DC, USA – President Barack Obama at a press conference on Wednesday said that it’s too early to send the unapproved experimental drug “Zmapp” to Africa where the outbreak of Ebola has killed close to a 1000 people. Despite the fact that Ebola is spreading at its fastest rate ever, the President still wants the drug to be fully tested on Americans before using it on dying Africans.

“We have to let science take its course. The last time an experimental drug was used it mutated into a deadly strain killing over 90% of the planets population. We don’t want that to happen to Africans,” the President said at the African Summit.

It was a very well thought out strategic decision made after top Washington advisors including the National Security advisor, White House Chief of Staff and some Hollywood Directions watched the blockbuster I Am Legend 2 disc special with the President in the White House situation room.

In the movie a drug created initially to cure cancer … mutated into a lethal strain that rapidly infected humans causing them to turn into vampires that then bit other healthy humans spreading the disease globally. Although the newly mutated humans had super strength and fast reflexes, they reacted painfully to sunlight.

“With the amount of sun in Africa it will be very inhumane if the Ebola victims that are going to die anyway suddenly transformed into Vampires and had to suffer under the African sun” said a member of the World Health Organization who did not want to be identified.

This type of thinking is what makes Africa love the American Government so much. Even though they might misspell the name of African countries occasionally or mix up “Niger” and “Nigeria.” At their core, they do care about Africa.

They care so much that they are willing to sacrifice the lives of 2 of their own citizens while simultaneously putting the entire city of Atlanta at risk of an ebola a vampire outbreak. Just so they could properly test out an experimental drug before bringing it to Africa. Such generosity, such sacrifice and such bravery …

So while hundreds of Africans have died from the disease and thousand other infected Africans are pleading for the American experimental drug … the American government is patiently observing Nancy Writebol and Kent Brantley to see if they would “turn” Vampire like Sam the dog in I Am Legend. Who turned Vampire only seconds after being injected with a similar experimental serum.

And this is the American government’s fear! Which is that Africans went treated with the drug will get healed temporarily but then turn into Vampires and start biting each other. And this is a very understandable fear … after all if a 1000 Americans in Atlanta were suddenly diagnosed with Ebola … President Obama would likely say “Wait…America is not ready for an Ebola drug!”